Separation: Telling people what's happened — who, when and how

You get to decide this.

Who knows, what they know, when they find out — all of it is yours to control. There is no obligation to tell anyone anything before you're ready.

Start with one person

If you haven't told anyone yet, start with one. Not a family announcement. Not a group text. One person you trust, who you believe will respond with care rather than with opinions about what you should do.

That might be a close friend. A sibling. A counsellor. It might be a support worker you've never met before, which can actually feel easier - no history, no complicated feelings, just a safe place to say it out loud for the first time.

What to say

You don't have to have the words. "I've left my relationship and I'm not doing well" is enough. "I'm going through something hard and I need support right now, not advice" is also okay to say.

People who care about you will follow your lead. If you tell them what you need — someone to listen, a place to stay, practical help with the kids — most people genuinely want to help and just need to know how.

Telling your children

This deserves its own guide (see: Talking to your children about separation), but the short version is: age-appropriate honesty, focused on reassurance rather than detail.

Children don't need to know everything. They need to know they are loved, they are safe, and that what's happening is not their fault.

Telling your employer

You're not obligated to share anything with your employer. But if things have been difficult at work or if you need some flexibility, leave, or support — some employers are willing to stand in your corner if you reach out.

Under the Fair Work Act, employees experiencing family and domestic violence are entitled to 10 days of paid family and domestic violence leave per year. You don't have to explain the full situation to access this, you just need to notify your employer and provide some evidence (which can be a statutory declaration, support worker letter, or similar).

People who don't respond the way you hoped

Sometimes people you expected to be supportive aren't. They might question your decision, take sides, or make it about themselves.

That's painful and it's not your fault. Some people don't know how to respond to this kind of situation. It doesn't mean they're right. It doesn't mean your decision was wrong.

You're allowed to step back from relationships that don't feel safe right now. Your energy needs to go towards rebuilding, not managing other people's discomfort.