Separation: Looking after yourself emotionally after leaving
Leaving is complicated, even when it was the right thing to do.
You might feel relieved. You might feel devastated. You might feel both of those things in the same hour. You might feel surprisingly okay for a few days and then find yourself crying in the supermarket over nothing.
All of this is normal.
Grief after leaving
Even if the relationship was harmful, leaving involves grief. You're grieving the relationship you hoped it would be, the future you imagined, the version of your life that included that person. That's a real loss, and it deserves to be acknowledged.
Grief doesn't follow a tidy path. It moves between stages — sadness, anger, numbness, acceptance — and it doesn't go in order, and it doesn't stick to a timeline. Being three months out and still having hard days doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.
What helps
There's no formula. But some things most women find useful:
Staying connected — isolation makes everything harder. Even one regular contact matters.
Routine — small, predictable anchors in the day help when everything else feels uncertain
Movement — even short walks can shift the way you feel for a few hours
Being honest about how you're doing — with yourself, and with at least one other person
Limiting alcohol — it's common to use it to get through hard nights, but it tends to deepen anxiety and low mood over time
When to get professional support
There's no threshold you have to reach before you're "allowed" to talk to someone. You can access counselling at any point — not just in crisis.
If you're experiencing persistent low mood, anxiety that's affecting your ability to function, intrusive thoughts, or difficulty sleeping for more than a couple of weeks, speaking with your GP is a good first step. They can refer you to a psychologist through a Mental Health Care Plan, which subsidises up to 10 sessions per year through Medicare.
1800RESPECT also offers trauma-informed counselling — not just crisis support.
This is not the whole story
The period after leaving is genuinely hard. But it is also — almost always — the beginning of something better. Women on the other side of this consistently say the same thing: that they couldn't see it while they were in it, but things did get better.
You are allowed to believe that. Even if you can't feel it yet.